One more time, with feeling.

Updating a blog is an unnatural act. But I get something from doing it. When I do it.

So I'm going to try this one more time. 

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I got up at early this morning. I know this is important. It still doesn't make me a morning person.

My day job continues to be difficult. It simply isn't producing like I know it should. It will. I am in it for the fight. I wonder if we are providing the product we should? Starting to think there is a forest I'm not seeing. The team is losing some steam. This is the only part that scares me.

Tonight I ran a 2 mile in 14:37. Not bad, but I had hoped for faster. It was damn cold. Where did the warm air go?

We had two interviews with potential writers today and a positive email response from one of our strongest. I am encouraged once again. The potential of this project scares me. When I start to get scared that generally means I'm headed in the right direction. Only took me 30+ years to figure that one out.

Good secrets are tough to keep...

I think of myself as a trustworthy person. I am.

People who know me will tell you. Don't believe me? Ask them. With that said, keeping a good secret is tough. T O U G H, tough.

I like to talk. I have a blog for fucks sake. You think I like keeping things to myself? Who does that? Oh yeah, lots of people. I forgot. Yeah, it's a skill I don't have. I love John Wayne too. I just don't understand him; them. Do you? How did he do that? Don't get me wrong, I want to. You think it wouldn't help me just to shut the hell up once and a while? It would. I don't. The mouth just runs. Trying to let it go... not working... shit.

We were talking about secrets. I've got one.

And so it begins...

A few quick thoughts...

Every Sunday morning has a similar routine. I wake up. Earlier now than before. This seems to be key. I make a pot of coffee. I don't always drink it. I love the smell.

Next, I hit the concrete. iPod playing. Usually. Sometimes I leave the electronics at home. I have grown to love the crows at City Park. Every sound they make seems important. Recently I realized how predatory they are. I put a few miles on my slightly bowed legs. The length varies but the result it the same. It all depends on how much shit I need to outrun (job, family, illness, money, women... same stuff we all have. Not complaining).

As I hit my front door, I start to peel away the layers of clothing, which I almost always overestimate. The coffee now tastes as good as it smells. My tap water, magically, seems 20 degrees colder. The stereo is playing louder that it should be.

Now, I grab my trusty barbershop knockoff. I shave my head down to that glorified 5 o'clock shadow that I have grown accustomed. Minutes later, I slap my head a few times as I gaze into the mirror, like something I saw in movie once.

It's now 9am. My chest literally swells with excitement. I might be seen jumping for reasons I can't explain. The combination of endorphins, caffeine, guitar, and a freshly shaved head is a buzz alcohol can't touch. I'm not sure if this is normal, but I hope so. Nothing in the world can stop me. I actually believe this. At least for a few minutes.

The day can vary greatly from here (but probably not as much as I'd like to believe). A destination-less drive. Maybe some writing. Lunch with a friend. Later, maybe a drink with another.

The previous week is now a distant memory, but I remember that I have a lot to be thankful for. Hopefully I'll keep that in mind.

The Curious Case...

Where are you at in your life? Just hitting your prime or has it already passed you by? Are our lives as anticlimactic as F. Scott makes it seem?

I liked the film directed by David Fincher, but it doesn't hold a candle to the crazy original short story. Do yourself a favor and find it. It took me less time to read it than to watch the 2+ hour Forrest Gump-like film.

There is so much to do. I'm not sure if I'll sleep tonight. There's no time.

basketball is here again...

The start of a new basketball season is upon us. Going into each one, be it football or basketball, I feel like I am holding a lottery ticket. Thanks to all those K-State teams, those lottery tickets, I have had some of the most memorable and exciting moments in my life. The highest highs and the lowest lows. I rushed the court with Beasley and cried in the upper-deck of a dome in St. Louis.

So here we are. Basketball is about to begin. I hope we all recognize exactly how special this team has the opportunity to be. Every moment should be cherished. We are currently ranked 3rd in the nation. Our highest preseason ranking of all-time.

I look back at the days of Bishop and Roberson and wish I would have taken a deep breath and enjoyed every second of it. Like every joy in life, don’t take it for granted. You never know how often these moments will arrive. Every Man A Wildcat.

Labor Day musings...

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted here. Time flies. I typically hate intros like this one, but it actually ties in to the topic of my post, so stay with me.

It's labor day. I had a friend ask me about the reasoning behind this national holiday and it brought a lot of things to mind. It is a national day of rest to celebrate all of our hard work that we do each and every day as responsible Americans (sadly that may sound like sarcasm, even when it isn't intended to). I looked it up and it turns out it was made a national holiday in response to a rash of deaths of U.S. citizens at the hands of our own military and U.S. Marshall's during a union labor strike.

I'm not sure the work I do qualifies for a national day of rest to celebrate my efforts, but damn did I need one. Over the past few days I have had a couple of thoughts repeating through my small, but active brain, involving the nature of my life and day-to-day activities. I almost titled this post "My Imminent Death", but fortunately for the 4 of you reading this, I came to my senses first. But the fact remains, our deaths are imminent. How does this relate to labor day, you ask? Well, have no fear, I am about to clue you all in. In thinking about the daily grind I realized (for the 1000+ time) exactly how stupid most daily worries and struggles truly are. (I know this isn't exactly groundbreaking stuff here, but bare with me. I just don't get any satisfaction from writing this crap down in a simple notebook so I force it on all of you instead.)

This all led me to another rather simple thought. This one involving my childhood. Recess. Running out school doors, being excited for no other reason than that we had a few minutes to do whatever the fuck we wanted to do. So we played. We played hard. We still have this time, but most days we don't take advantage of it. I guess I can't speak for all of you, but I don't anyway. I hope you do. It's Labor Day. A national day of recess. Go out and play. I'll see you there.